Ride for Monday, 01 May
Rode into work and back as I had to do some billing, and also go and get a present for Mother's Day. An uneventful ride, until on the way back I found I had a black Ford F150 truck hanging right behind me going down Summit street off Oxford. I took a right onto Connolly Street, and the truck zoomed past me, then squealed to a stop 40 meters up the street. I figured it was just some kid feeling inadequate about the size of his penis until I passed the truck and saw the older guy driving it lean out of his window and shout something I can only render as "blarp!"; it may have been something intelligible but I couldn't tell what it was. I smiled and nodded at him and continued on, and heard him squeal off behind me again. Coming up to the stop sign at Connolly and Almon I could hear him revving his engine as if he was thinking about overtaking me, but he left it way too late, so I stopped and continued on through. He kept hanging on my tail, so I decided to have some fun with him while leading him to an area that would definitely not be devoid of witnesses; I went left onto London, fast enough that he slid his truck making the corner, then down to the stop at Connaught. I think he was planning on cutting me off there, but I timed it so I rode straight into the flow of traffic, into a nice big gap.
Continuing down Connaught, I got up to 50km/hr or so and he pulled level with me on my left. He started shouting at me through his window, but I couldn't hear him so I just said "I can't hear you, what?" and continuing watching where I was going. He zoomed ahead and cut in front of me, which worked perfectly as I wanted to be over one lane; this placed him half a car length ahead of me and unable to pull any silly maneouvres. He then wound down his window, leaned out of his window and we had (to the best of my recollection) the following conversation:
Muppet of the Month: "Do you want to spit on me now?"
Me, rendered bereft of witty responses by such a bizarre chatup line: "Huh?"
MotM: "Now I'm here, do you want to spit on me when I'm right in front of you?"
Me: "Er, what are you talking about?"
MotM: "You spat on my truck!"
Me: "Well, maybe you shouldn't have been so close behind me?"
MotM: "I wasn't behind you, I was in front of you passing you!" (I think that's what he said, he started getting a bit garbled)
Me: "Dude, I haven't seen you before, what are you talking about?"
MotM: "Next time I see you I'm going to run you off the fucking road!"
Me: "Perhaps I should inform the police, license plate DGA 345, black Ford truck?"
Muppet then drove into the gas station next to the road and motioned me to follow him. After such a threat, I couldn't help wondering what he was on about.
Me: "So, after threatening to assault me with a deadly weapon, would you mind telling me what your problem is?"
MotM: "What? I didn't threaten to assault you! You assaulted me by spitting on me!"
Me: "Buddy, I don't know what you're talking about, but you just threatened to run me off the road when you next saw me, which is a threat of assault with a deadly weapon. And, I see you're wearing a Halifax Fire Department jacket, Shannon. Is this something your boss would like to know about?"
MotM: "Huh? What's your name, huh? Too scared to tell me?"
Me: "No, it's Steve. How about I get my camera out and I can record you threatening me?"
MotM: "Oh, got a camera, have you? Where can you carry a camera on that thing?"
Me: "Well, see this great big backpack on my back? It's in there along with a whole pile of other stuff. Now, shall I call the police, or are we done here?"
MotM: "Yeah, just you wait till I tell my boss about this, eh?"
Me: "Er, right. You go have a nice life."
Not wanting to waste any more of my life on this waste of space, I sped off and left Shannon raising his blood pressure. I will, however, be looking out for license plate DGA 345 driven by Shannon of the Halifax Fire Department. It's enough to make me go back and look into the plans for the HERF gun again...
Distance logged: 30.607km
Time: 81:35
Average speed: 22.5km/hr
Max speed: 56.1 km/hr
Temperature: 10C-13C, cloudy
Cumulative distance: 2672.864km
Cumulative cost per km: $0.5
Monthly distance: 30.607km
Monthly cost per km: $2.47
Continuing down Connaught, I got up to 50km/hr or so and he pulled level with me on my left. He started shouting at me through his window, but I couldn't hear him so I just said "I can't hear you, what?" and continuing watching where I was going. He zoomed ahead and cut in front of me, which worked perfectly as I wanted to be over one lane; this placed him half a car length ahead of me and unable to pull any silly maneouvres. He then wound down his window, leaned out of his window and we had (to the best of my recollection) the following conversation:
Muppet of the Month: "Do you want to spit on me now?"
Me, rendered bereft of witty responses by such a bizarre chatup line: "Huh?"
MotM: "Now I'm here, do you want to spit on me when I'm right in front of you?"
Me: "Er, what are you talking about?"
MotM: "You spat on my truck!"
Me: "Well, maybe you shouldn't have been so close behind me?"
MotM: "I wasn't behind you, I was in front of you passing you!" (I think that's what he said, he started getting a bit garbled)
Me: "Dude, I haven't seen you before, what are you talking about?"
MotM: "Next time I see you I'm going to run you off the fucking road!"
Me: "Perhaps I should inform the police, license plate DGA 345, black Ford truck?"
Muppet then drove into the gas station next to the road and motioned me to follow him. After such a threat, I couldn't help wondering what he was on about.
Me: "So, after threatening to assault me with a deadly weapon, would you mind telling me what your problem is?"
MotM: "What? I didn't threaten to assault you! You assaulted me by spitting on me!"
Me: "Buddy, I don't know what you're talking about, but you just threatened to run me off the road when you next saw me, which is a threat of assault with a deadly weapon. And, I see you're wearing a Halifax Fire Department jacket, Shannon. Is this something your boss would like to know about?"
MotM: "Huh? What's your name, huh? Too scared to tell me?"
Me: "No, it's Steve. How about I get my camera out and I can record you threatening me?"
MotM: "Oh, got a camera, have you? Where can you carry a camera on that thing?"
Me: "Well, see this great big backpack on my back? It's in there along with a whole pile of other stuff. Now, shall I call the police, or are we done here?"
MotM: "Yeah, just you wait till I tell my boss about this, eh?"
Me: "Er, right. You go have a nice life."
Not wanting to waste any more of my life on this waste of space, I sped off and left Shannon raising his blood pressure. I will, however, be looking out for license plate DGA 345 driven by Shannon of the Halifax Fire Department. It's enough to make me go back and look into the plans for the HERF gun again...
Distance logged: 30.607km
Time: 81:35
Average speed: 22.5km/hr
Max speed: 56.1 km/hr
Temperature: 10C-13C, cloudy
Cumulative distance: 2672.864km
Cumulative cost per km: $0.5
Monthly distance: 30.607km
Monthly cost per km: $2.47
posted by steve at 5/01/2006 08:13:00 pm
5 Comments:
Quite the interesting altercation you had.
I read your post from time to time and find them very inspiring at times, however, the car free culture sure has a long way to go in this city.
I work in a supervisory role for the city and I will look into your complaint about the Fire Fighter.
Any employee of HRM should act with professionalism at all times.
Thanks, anonymous!
Reading back, I may have been misleading - I don't know for sure if the guy was named Shannon or if he worked for Halifax FD, he was just wearing a shirt with those names on. It was definitely not a great bit of representation for HRM, though.
That said, the HRM services trucks (the big yellow ones) are almost always well driven, so they do at least balance it out - I've never had an official HRM truck drive too close and they've always waited to pass me on the highway, so it's just the occasional bad apple that (as always) spoils the reputation for everyone else.
Crazy. Glad it didn't get any worse.
And, you assaulted him? I don't need to be a psychologist to see some deep sad meaning in the fact that some people think their car (or truck) is part of their body.
Thinking back I think the guy might have been behind me on Oxford when I went past a bus and got a face full of exhaust fumes. As a result of that I was spitting out goop, and I can only assume the driver thought I was trying to spit on his truck - although that would mean he was way too close to me in any case.
I guess it's the law of averages at work, there's always going to be a few drivers who really shouldn't be on the road - and that applies to any vehicle (and some pedestrians, too). The people at work who drive cars regularly have tales of driver idiocy or rage, so my tally of 2 particularly bad drivers so far this year isn't too bad. It's still 2 too many, of course!
Sheesh. That whole thing is crazy..
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