Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Tape destruction for beginners

In a departure from my normal posting... A taste of the sort of stuff I get up to at work: how to destroy a DLT tape in 12 relatively easy and pretty much completely unsafe steps.

Step 1: Unscrew the bottom casing.

Step two: Remove the casing. All sorts of little bits of plastic will come flying out; these can be safely disposed of. Any remaining little bits of plastic and the springs can also be removed.

Step 3: Remove the spool from the housing. An optional step is to cut off the metal leader strip on the tape.

Step 4: Insert a serrated blade or other similarly dangerous item between the thicker (dark plastic) spool and the tape itself. Wiggle the blade until the spool cracks. You should then be able to snap off slightly less than half of the spool, exposing the tape.

Step 5: Pause to allow admiring over-caffeinated co-workers to snap a picture of the exposed tape.

Step 6: Manly men with big manly strong fingers should be able to snap off the thinner top portion of the tape spool with relative ease. Manly men with big manly strong fingers should be careful, however, not to slice open the side of said big manly strong fingers with a particularly sharp bit of plastic.

Step 7: Pause to demonstrate to co-workers that look, the plastic really is broken on both sides and there's no magic involved!

Step 8: Find a trusting co-worker who is not familiar with the phrases "health and safety" or "worker's compensation" to hold the tape spool for you. Line up a serrated blade across the top of the tape.

Step 9: Start sawing though the tape. Be prepared for the tape to suddenly fan up in a beautiful display of synchronised fanning.

Step 10: Continue sawing all the way through. Try to avoid inhaling particles of plastic and ferrous oxide - just because all the cool kids are doing it doesn't mean you should be doing it too!

Step 11: After you saw all the way through, the tape will flop out (to use the technical terminology) and you will be left with a fairly flat stack of tape.

Step 12: Mix up all the strips of tape by using a handwashing type motion. The paranoid may, at this point, set fire to the tape in a well ventilated area to ensure complete data destruction.


Blogger steve said...

We couldn't be arsed to find a well ventilated space or unionised co-workers, I'm afraid. I could save the tape for the next Aliant or CBC strike?


Wednesday, January 25, 2006 3:34:00 pm  
Blogger Why Charlottetown Sucks! said...

Where's the picture of the "unionised co-workers standing around a garbage can, warming thier hands over the buring tape"?


Wednesday, January 25, 2006 3:35:00 pm  

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