Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Ride home for Wednesday, 15 February

Had an encounter with a driver who possibly won the muppet of the month award. He overtook me as I was turning onto Federal from St Andrews, and turned on to Romans Ave in front of me. As I rode along Romans Avenue I could see that the light ahead was red, and it was a long queue of traffic, and oddly enough the minivan driver behind me wasn't overtaking me, but was instead pacing me - I think he saw what happened and he wanted to see what happened next. I stopped behind MOTM (a dented, battered, rusted blue Honda Civic, registration plate CPZ 975) and spat out a few times. With the wind coming from behind me, I guess my spit must have hit his window (not that I was particularly trying to avoid hitting his car, I must admit), and he put his car into reverse and nudged his bumper back against my front wheel. I fairly easily bunny hopped my way around him and came up by his side, at which point he jumped out of his car and we had (to the best of my recollection) the following conversation:

MOTM: "Don't spit on my car! I don't spit on you, what are you playing at spitting on me?"
Me: "Actually, you are spitting on me. Look at all that crap spewing out of the back of your car."
MOTM: "You shouldn't be on the road! I pay insurance, you don't! You people are all the same, you ride up the inside, you pass at red lights, you shouldn't be on the road"
Me: "I was waiting behind you, I wasn't passing you. Did you see me try to pass you? You're the one that hit me."
MOTM: "Maybe not this time, but I know what you lot are like! I had a bike hit me when I was turning, and he wasn't insured! I had to pay for repairs! You shouldn't be on the road"
Me: "Buddy, I'm a vehicle on the road just like you, and judging by the state of your car I pay more in taxes than you gross, and it's the taxes that pay for the roads. I have every right to be on the road."
MOTM: "You don't pay insurance! You shouldn't be on the road! You reckon you're allowed on the road, huh? You just wait and see what I can do!"

At that point, the muppet jumped back in his car and fumbled with his seatbelt, trying to get it on. I looked back, and the guy in the minivan was grinning and shaking his head. I grinned back at him and shrugged my shoulders. The light then changed, and muppet screamed forward in first, and... fumbled the gear change into second, leaving his engine roaring in neutral. I had to stop pedalling at that point because I was laughing so hard at him, which may have been a little unfair, for he was truly a muppet of very little brain. He crunched into second gear and roared away, then I saw him roll down his window. In the piece de resistance, he threw out a half full cup of coffee with his left hand, obviously assuming it would spin up in the air and drench me with scalding hot coffee. Unfortunately for him, as he threw it... the lid came off and the coffee sprayed all over his car. Boy,was I glad I waited to see what he would do!

Distance logged: 14.189km
Time: 44:23
Average speed: 19.2km/hr
Max speed: 42.9 km/hr
Temperature: 4C, windy
Cumulative distance: 839.235km
Cumulative cost per km: $0.37
Monthly distance: 318.831km
Monthly cost per km: $0.28


Blogger Kayte said...

Coffee flinging wanker! I think you found yourself a serious contender for muppet o' the year. Good gravy!

Thursday, February 16, 2006 12:46:00 pm  
Blogger Darren J said...

Wow. He showed you alright. It's hard to believe what we're up against sometimes.

Guessing from the location on the map, and the little enclave of streets you were on, you might get to see this guy every day!

Thursday, February 16, 2006 2:38:00 pm  
Blogger steve said...

He's definitely the front runner candidate for muppet of the year!

The route I take is a bit of a rat run for people trying to avoid the chaos of Bayer's Road. It's usually not too bad as not that many people know about it, so yeah, there's a chance I'll see him again. Assuming his car doesn't break down terminally from abusive driving, of course... :-)

I think I'll have to dig out my ancient digital camera to see if it still works, and then I have a fairly disposable camera I can carry along with me for public shaming!

Thursday, February 16, 2006 7:41:00 pm  
Blogger Steeker said...

That's funny typical cager and I hope you see him again plus carry a digital when you ride I always do . ride safe cheers

Friday, February 17, 2006 11:14:00 am  

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